How I keep from tipping over on the merry-go-round of my life

When people say to me, "I don't know how you do it", I want to grab them by their shoulders, look them in the eyes, and say, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?"

I may look like I've got it all together on certain days of the week, but I am no Superwoman. I yell, cry, stress, toss-and-turn, fret and wave the white flag at regular intervals.

But, things are definitely getting better.

I've found some balance in my life by paying close attention to my needs and how those needs can be fulfilled without totally throwing my family into chaos. For instance, I may "need" to go lie on a beach for a week, alone, but that would not really work with three young kids who can barely get ready for bed without calling my name a dozen times.

So, here's some things I've done to help me keep my sanity and maintain some balance in my life without running off to the Caribbean:

1. Work. It seems to defy logic that I'd take on a part-time job to help feel more balanced, but doing something outside of mothering feels great.

2. Get help. I use some of the money I earn to pay for house cleaners to come once a week. Extravagant? Sure. But, with my husband working full time and going to school, the stress of keeping the house up (mostly) on my own was weighing heavily on me. I may bid the cleaner a sad adieu when his schooling is done, or maybe I'll figure out a way to justify it even then.

3. Blog, Facebook and Twitter. Almost all good things that lift me up since I have the greatest readers and nicest friends (online and off).

4. Reality TV. I don't know why Reality TV is such a fix for me, but when I need an hour or two to unwind, you can find me on our sagging green couch with Top Chef or Rock of Love on the tube.

5. Sleep. Oh sleep. I always hesitate to talk about sleep around other moms because, well, it sucks if you aren't getting any. Believe me, I remember those days well. And, not every night is dreamland, but, for the most part, I can get a solid eight hours if I just get off the computer and go to bed. And, feeling rested in the morning is probably the best way to get me back on track.

So, with that, I'd best sign off for the night and see if sleeping will hit the "reset" button to my brain once again.

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This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA. Visit BOCA’s “Balanced Living” site to enter the BOCA “Balanced Living Challenge” for a chance to win the grand prize of $5,000!

Because Resolutions shouldn't make you feel like dirt

"I'm too flabby."

"My hair is a fright."

"I'm a selfish, antisocial, procrastinating mess."

Looking back at the New Year's Resolutions I made, it's no wonder that, two weeks later, I don't want anything to do with them. Thinking about all the ways I need to "fix" myself was like surrounding myself with bad karma.

Instead of trying to change myself, I think I need to rethink this whole Resolutions concept. And, I'm going to include the family with me as we work on doing more things for other people, rather than worrying so much about ourselves.

We're getting off to a good start.

For one, when I was given an unexpected supermarket gift card, I decided to use that money to buy food for our town's Food Pantry. I brought the kids with me to the store, and we watched our $50 turn into a modest pile of pasta, tomato paste, peanut butter and cereal boxes. We then brought the food to the Food Pantry, so that the kids could see that even in our town of relative comfort, there are people who do not have enough to eat.

Sure, I had to answer a lot of questions, such as when five-year-old Jilly asked (loudly), "Why don't some people have money?" as we passed through the small but clean corridor. But, I think that physically going to the Food Pantry was a powerful moment for us all and made the fuzzy concept of "doing something for others" a bit more real.

Other things we have done and/or plan to do in 2009:

* we gathered some toys and books the kids had outgrown and brought them to our local animal hospital to help fill their empty toy box. The kids loved knowing that children would have something to do while they wait for news about Fluffy or Spot.

* I've been a volunteer for Chemo Angels and just had my first chemotherapy patient "graduate", meaning she is newly cancer free. When I sign myself up for another patient, I am going to ask for a parent or grandparent of young children, so that the kids will have children to send notes of support to as well.

* we have visited our local MSPCA with donations of clean towels, sheets, blankets, paper towels, dog and cat toys. I never, ever want my kids to "buy" an animal from a pet store when there are so many unwanted animals sitting in shelters. I can think of no better way to imprint this on their minds than to show them the cages of cute kittens, soft bunnies and barking dogs. It's hard, but it's real.

* a local dry cleaner took our outgrown winter coats and, after cleaning them, donated them to families in need.

Hopefully, I will look back on 2009 with pride at all we did as a family and not pick myself apart for all the things I didn't do. Although, hopping on the exercise bike every now and then may not be such a bad idea.


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Let Santa help you out after Christmas

It usually happens around January 3rd.

My house, which looked so festive around the holidays, starts to feel out of season, like the girl who is caught wearing white capris in November. I want to tear everything down, pack it away and get on with the business of a New Year.

And, yet, trying to do it all at once is overwhelming and definitely not fun. Therefore, I've come up with a little system for packing away our holidays that works so well, I had to share it with you.

I call it SANTA.

S: Slow Down. Did you know that the "12 Days of Christmas" mark the days from Christmas to January 6th? This means, technically, Christmas doesn't really end until the 6th, so there is no need to go tearing through the house in the days after to stash everything out of site. Do it little-by-little, when time allows. Do not, I repeat, do not become the person who takes down her tree Christmas night. Otherwise, other people (namely, me) will talk about you.

A: Allocate. I set aside a space in our basement that is for Holiday Decor only; nothing else is allowed to fill that space. Sure, I have to move 10 boxes to get to the Christmas decorations, but at least I know exactly where they are every December.

N: Negotiate. I have kids. I have a Christmas tree. I have a 41-year-old-back. Therefore, I work out a sort of "you scratch my back/I scratch your back" deal with them: they are given the job of removing all the ornaments they can safely reach, and I give them some sort of a treat, in the form of TV or computer time. I can't wait until they are taller.

T: Toss. While I am decorating the house in early December, I give all my Christmas decorations a good once-over. Do I really love that large cotton snowman an aunt gave us? What about the patchwork-quilt "Happy Holidays" sign for our front door? I'm not advocating throwing away your kids' love-filled art projects, but all that hideous Christmas stuff collected over the years? Get rid of it (I Freecycled mine; I never did hear how that person felt about getting my mismatched set of scary ceramic Santas).

A: Abstain. In my early-December enthusiasm, I can get a bit out of hand with the decorations. So, I try to remind myself that "What Goes Up, Must Come Down". I no longer decorate the side of the tree that faces the wall. Our front door has a pretty wreath on it, and that is all. We have some lights on the front of the house, but nothing that requires eight hours in a tree to hang. And, nothing, absolutely nothing appears that requires "fake snow", window painting or needle-shedding plants.

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Looking for even more advice on how to get your home and life organized as we start another year? Then check out the new SC Johnson website, Right@Home. They've got a ton of information on topics like cleaning your home, finding fun things to do as a family, or getting recipes for dinner tonight.

This post written for the Parent Bloggers Network.

My best audio books for kids (and the adults listening with them)

Reprinted from New England Mamas

I have a confession: I'm one of "those" people who believe the following:

It's hard to be a book lover with kids around all the time, though. They just don't seem to understand that I need undisturbed peace and quiet to really enjoy a book. Couple this with my slight addiction to the computer and Intervention, and you can see that reading for pleasure is not something I get to do very often anymore.

I do love to read to the kids, though, which scratches my itch to some extent. One other way is to listen to audio books in the car with them.

To successfully enjoy an audio book, you do not need to schedule it around a long car trip. Even a 10-minute ride can be enough to get started or to enjoy a chapter. Also, it isn't necessary for the kids to be totally engrossed all the time. Some books start off slow or have parts that drag. Finally, we've listened to books for slightly older kids---about age 9---without too much trouble. Plus, it is much more enjoyable to listen to a book that is above your child's reading level, especially if your child's reading level is at the Bob Books.

Here is the list of audio books we've listened to so far. All of these titles, in audio book form, were borrowed from our library.

The Little House Series: If you want to commit to audio books, this is a great way to start. Beginning with Little House in the Big Woods and ending with The First Four Years, we listened to ten separate audio books about Laura Ingalls and her family (one of the books, Farmer Boy, covers Almanzo Wilder's younger years). This is pretty safe stuff for young kids to hear; some mild corporal punishment and loads of drama---after hearing The Long Winter, I vowed that I will never, ever complain that my car does not heat up fast enough on a snowy morning.

Charlotte's Web: Even if you know this story inside and out, or have seen the movie on the big screen, this is well worth a listen. Read by the author himself, E.B. White has a wonderful voice that brings his characters to life. Belly and I both wept when Charlotte died.


Five Little Peppers and How They Grew: I probably would not have been able to sit down and read this as a chapter book. However, as an audio book, its 'quaintness' and formal speech are easier to digest; we really did grow fond of this story. However, remember that language has changed quite a bit in the past 100 years and do not take a slurp of coffee as the narrator
reads, "Joe ejaculated . . ." In this case, "ejaculate" means "to exclaim". Now get your mind out of the gutter.


The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: This is where I wish I still had a brain. Nothing like putting in a CD and wondering, "hmmmmm. ..what age is this book written for?" just as the "N" word is uttered into the confines of our minivan. "Ejaculate, I mean, eject that disc rightaway!
Sorry kiddos! Nothing to see here". . .

The Trumpet of the Swan: How is it that I made it to the age of 40 and never even heard of this book? Another E.B. White title that is read by the author, The Trumpet of the Swan is the kind of story that gives me goosebumps when I think of it. The premise sounds ridiculous: a Trumpeter Swan named Louie is born without a "voice", i.e., he cannot trumpet. Despite this
rather large handicap in the swan kingdom, he goes on to achieve great fame and fortune, and plays a pretty mean trumpet as well. You must hear this story.


The Mouse and the Motorcycle: A sweet, short story about a mouse who communicates with a little boy. Oh, and there is a motorcycle, too.

The Secret Garden: Starts off with a very unlikeable main character who goes through major transformations after being orphaned. Beautifully written and unforgettable.


The Magic Tree House Series: Book Listening Lite. Easy to understand with likable characters who time-travel in a tree house. Got a bit sick of hearing the lead character say, "Oh, Man!" every time he was amazed, but my kids were entertained.

Peter Pan: I was surprised at how much I disliked this story. First, it is WAY too graphic for young children---people are threatened with death, stabbed and even killed in large slaughters. Peter Pan speaks about mothers in a very derogatory way, and comes across as a little prig. I had seen Peter Pan performed on stage when I was 6 (Cathy Rigby was Peter Pan), and remember it as delightful. The book itself? Not so much.

A Little Princess: By the same author of The Secret Garden, there are a few similarities in this book (both star an orphaned girl from India living in England). I knew my daughter would love this book based on its title, but the heroine in this story is more kind and quirky, than royal and aloof.

Island of the Blue Dolphin: I almost turned this off a few chapters into it because there are a couple of scenes that are tough for little kids---I ended up turning the volume way down to the front speakers so that I could only hear it---but, I'm glad we stuck with it. This book is an incredibly beautiful story of survival, friendship and determination. In hindsight, probably best for kids 8 and older.

The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup and a Spool of Thread: Hands-down, one of the best audio books we have heard. The reader does an amazing job bringing the characters to life with distinct personalities and quirks. I hope to listen to this book again and again. And, no, I won't see the movie.

The BFG: Totally adorable and sweet story about a little girl and the (Big, Friendly) Giant. Please note that the other giants are pretty gruesome, as they eat people out of their beds at night and have names like "Bonecruncher" and "Fleshlumpeater". Otherwise, a delightful, laugh-out-loud story.

The Meanest Doll in the World: My daughter received The Doll People, as a birthday gift, and we decided to listen to this sequel in the car. If you are someone who was always fearful that your dolls were alive (or if you've ever watched any of the Chucky movies), you may want to stay away from this series. We found them to be enjoyable even if, now, I cannot look at my daughters' dolls without wondering. . .

Anything by Jim Weiss: Jim Weiss is an amazing storyteller, and we own a few of his CD's on Greek Myths, Old Testament Stories and the Arabian Nights.

If you have any suggestions for us, please leave them in the comments. We're always looking for the 'next' book.

A field trip to Ikea

Reprinted from New England Mamas

(please note that the Ikea described below is the "Boston" location in Stoughton, MA)

A few days ago, the kids and I went to one of their favorite places for food and play: IKEA. Yes, IKEA.

Now, I'm going to assume most of you know of the Stoughton location and may have even been there for a shopping binge trip. But, you may not have thought of it as a place to spend a few quality hours with the kids on a lazy afternoon. I will attempt to show you how you can do this without spending a fortune.

First a couple of "don't say I didn't warn you's":


1. Under no circumstances should you attempt to do this excursion on a weekend or other major shopping day. I've had to run into IKEA on a Saturday (alone) and nearly suffered a panic attack. If I had to watch my children AND maneuver through the crowds, I don't think I'd make it.


2. This is not a good idea if you've never been to IKEA and really, really want to look at everything and SHOP. The kids will think the shopping is fun for about ten minutes, and it is a R-E-A-L-L-Y big place. There is always a mom trying to ignore her weeping child as she looks at "just one more thing". Forget it. If you want to really shop, go without the kids.


3. Don't attempt this if you can't control yourself among all the inexpensive racks of stuff. Set a limit to how much you are willing to spend, bring cash and leave the credit cards at home.

Now, here is my plan: when I take the kids, there are three, sometimes four, areas we need to hit. The first three can be done in any order, depending on your moods (with some scheduling which will be noted).

(First, a tip: when you pull into the parking lot, one of the first aisles of parking--I believe it is "C"-- has "Family Parking" at the very end. There are about 5-6 spots specifically reserved for families, and it allows you to get the kids into the store without having to walk behind any cars in the parking lot.)


Stop 1


Look for the drop-off play area called "Smalland". It is a brightly colored, fully staffed play area that is available to kids who are both potty trained and within the required height markers. It is a good idea to check this place first since it can fill up quickly and wait times for a spot can get long. On our last visit, we didn't check Smalland until we had done everything else. When Belly heard that the wait was going to be more than 30 minutes---longer then we could wait---she almost wept.


If your child goes into Smalland, you will be given a beeper and told what time you need to return to pick up your little love muffin (usually between 45 minutes and one hour). There is glass on the side of Smalland so that you can watch your child for a bit before you tear off into the store. (My recommendation? If you want to buy things, stick to the first floor, the Marketplace; if you want to browse and look at things, go upstairs to the Showroom).


When I take the kids, usually the girls go into Smalland, but I'm still left with my tall-enough but-still-in-diapers son. We will usually head to the Showroom to walk around. He sits on couches and runs through each room display. There are strategically placed mini puppet theaters around the Showroom for him to play in as well.


Stop 2

A visit to IKEA without food would be a real downer, so our second stop is always the cafeteria which is on the second floor. To get there, take the elevator (next to Smalland) to the second floor, and it will pretty much open into the cafeteria. Restrooms are also nearby (and please forgive this bizarre display of affection, but the bathrooms even have cute, teeny tiny sinks just for the kids! Hold me!)


If you have a load of kids, grab one of the metal carts that allow you to slide your trays onto little shelves---so much easier to carry everything. There are several options for the kids, from Mac & Cheese to Swedish Meatballs and Fries. They even sell those little PB&J frisbee-sandwich things. My three adore the meatballs & fries, which comes with a drink (I wish they offered lids for their cute little plastic cups. Without fail, one of my kids knocks their drink all over the place).


For us grown ups, there are plenty of options. I was saddened to see my favorite vegetarian dish was replaced by an Alfredo-sauce/Vegetable/Pasta combo, but it tasted good and was a bargain at $3.99 for the pasta, garlic bread and salad. Our four meals cost just over $11.


If your kids don't need you to feed them, head to the brightly colored plastic eating area. They can sit with their meals at little IKEA tables and chairs and watch a movie while they eat (Monster's Inc was on Thursday). I sat at the counter around the play area and wished I had brought a book or a friend.


Stop 3


Just outside the cafeteria, on the other side of the elevators, is the children's merchandise. Here you can buy toys, art supplies, night lights, swings and stuffed animals. What makes this a "stop" on our playdate is that IKEA has placed a bunch of these items in the middle of the floor for the kids to 'try out'. There are pop-up tents, a see-saw, tables and chairs, a big air mattress and a few other toys. While you need to keep your eye on your kids in this section, lest they wander away (yup, happened to me, so heed my warning), it is possible to browse the aisles nearby for drawing paper, storage bins or fun lamps. When your kids ask you to buy them a cute, squishy stuffed animal, do what I do and tell them the animal lives at the store and needs to stay with his friends. You could just say no, but I prefer my lies.


Optional Stop 4

By now, the kids should be full and tired. Make your way back downstairs---if you have any merchandise, you will need to walk through the Marketplace and the Warehouse to find the registers. My advice is to ignore the signs, find an employee and ask them for the fastest route to the registers. IKEA has directional signs everywhere, but these signs are designed to insure that you miss no section of the store. If you follow them, be ready to walk for quite a ways. There are carriages on this floor, so tired kids can ride.


Just past the registers, you will find my "Optional Stop 4". I say this is optional because, chances are, no one is still hungry for food. But, IF the kids still need a small smackeral (as Pooh would say), there is an "Exit Bistro" which sells hot dogs, ice cream cones, cinnamon rolls and other low-fat, healthy food items (ha!). Prices are cheap, cheap, cheap (my suggestion: grab a bag of frozen meatballs too; they come in handy when you have no time to make dinner).

Oh, you should go to the Dr. Seuss National Memorial Sculpture Garden

Reprinted from New England Mamas

(This review is written by my sister, Mrs Q, who will slowly be sucked into the blogging world, mark my words. Until then, please enjoy this review she so graciously agreed to provide for your reading enjoyment):

On a recent trek to Western Massachusetts, my family made a pit stop at the Dr. Seuss National Memorial Sculpture Garden. Located in the gardens in and about the Springfield Museums (the "quadrangle" as us locals used to call it), this larger-than-life collection of sculptures bears tribute to the late Theodor Seuss Geisel, who was born and raised in Springfield.

Seuss' step-daughter, Lark Grey Dimond-Cates, created the bronze sculptures of Dr. Seuss' favorite characters -- the Cat in the Hat, Yertle the Turtle, the Grinch and the Lorax -- even the author himself. My two "things" especially enjoyed the massive sculpture of story time characters springing from an open book, including Thing One and Thing Two, Horton the Elephant and Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose.

The surrounding gardens are lush and invite visitors to walk around or linger and enjoy a brown-bagged lunch on one of the many park benches (in fact, much to the delight of my son, one bench includes a bronzed forgotten lunch bag and parcel of groceries). Unfortunately, most sculptures include "do not climb" signs around them (for obvious reasons), but there's a wonderful photo op on a large chair among the open pages of a ten-foot-tall copy of "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"
(Beware of "oh, the places you'll burn" when sitting on a bronze chair in the summer sun.)

The sculpture garden is free to the public, and free parking is located in an adjacent lot. The garden is ringed with the Springfield Library and a number of art, history and science museums; a nominal admission fee includes all four museums. Some picnic tables are located under a large tent near the parking lot.

The garden is relatively small, so I'm not sure I could recommend it as its own field trip. However, if you are driving through the Springfield area anyway (say, for a trip to Six Flags or, um, gulp, a 20th high school reunion), this makes a nice place for young kids to run off some energy. It's alovely way to bring beloved books to life and remember the gifted mind behind some of the most imaginative stories ever told. As you make your way out, make sure to look up and enjoy the tumbling tower of top hats that reach up to the sky.

Dr. Seuss would be proud.

Justin Roberts plays The Narrows

The kids and I have been a fan of Justin Roberts ever since we heard the song "Yellow Bus" on a Land of Nod compilation CD. Since then, we have listened to his Way Out, Meltdown and Pop Fly CD's more times than I could count.

So, it was with great excitement that we all went down to Fall River yesterday to see him play at The Narrows. This was the perfect space for a kids' concert---low stage, tables and church-like pews set close to the stage, but with plenty of "retreat" room in case someone needed a break.

I was surprised there wasn't a larger crowd; after all, this is the guy who won the 2008 Fids and Kamily Album of the Year! My kids didn't notice the crowds, though. They were too busy eating snacks and waiting for the dancing, er, jumping, to begin.

Once things started, Justin and his bandmate/producer Liam Davis played for about an hour, even coming back to the stage for an encore. My 7-year-old daughter was confused by this whole "leave-the-stage-only-to-come-back-two-seconds-later" routine, but I assured her this was totally normal.

The great thing about seeing a small show like this was that the kids were able to have rapport with Justin and Liam. When our friend's son asked for a song about an elephant, Justin improvised with a little "elephant, elephant, elephant" chant. When a couple of girls asked to hear Pop Fly early in the show, Justin rearranged his set list to accommodate them.

Many of the songs involved crowd participation, which my shy 4-year-old son thought was hilarious, especially the yelling during Meltdown.

Without the full band, known as The Not Ready for Naptime Players, to accompany them, I wondered if this would feel like an "unplugged" show, but I was pleasantly surprised. Liam basically used every limb to play an instrument (the tambourine was wrapped around his ankle), so that there was plenty of music to fill up the theater.

Afterward the show, Justin cheerfully and patiently sat in the lobby and signed autographs for the children. We tried to take a photo of Justin with my kids and the cousins, but no one was cooperating, except Justin.


We'd definitely go to see him again on his next trip East. Catch him if you can during his latest tour.