"I'm too flabby."
"My hair is a fright."
"I'm a selfish, antisocial, procrastinating mess."
Looking back at the New Year's Resolutions I made, it's no wonder that, two weeks later, I don't want anything to do with them. Thinking about all the ways I need to "fix" myself was like surrounding myself with bad karma.
Instead of trying to change myself, I think I need to rethink this whole Resolutions concept. And, I'm going to include the family with me as we work on doing more things for other people, rather than worrying so much about ourselves.
We're getting off to a good start.
For one, when I was given an unexpected supermarket gift card, I decided to use that money to buy food for our town's Food Pantry. I brought the kids with me to the store, and we watched our $50 turn into a modest pile of pasta, tomato paste, peanut butter and cereal boxes. We then brought the food to the Food Pantry, so that the kids could see that even in our town of relative comfort, there are people who do not have enough to eat.
Sure, I had to answer a lot of questions, such as when five-year-old Jilly asked (loudly), "Why don't some people have money?" as we passed through the small but clean corridor. But, I think that physically going to the Food Pantry was a powerful moment for us all and made the fuzzy concept of "doing something for others" a bit more real.
Other things we have done and/or plan to do in 2009:
* we gathered some toys and books the kids had outgrown and brought them to our local animal hospital to help fill their empty toy box. The kids loved knowing that children would have something to do while they wait for news about Fluffy or Spot.
* I've been a volunteer for Chemo Angels and just had my first chemotherapy patient "graduate", meaning she is newly cancer free. When I sign myself up for another patient, I am going to ask for a parent or grandparent of young children, so that the kids will have children to send notes of support to as well.
* we have visited our local MSPCA with donations of clean towels, sheets, blankets, paper towels, dog and cat toys. I never, ever want my kids to "buy" an animal from a pet store when there are so many unwanted animals sitting in shelters. I can think of no better way to imprint this on their minds than to show them the cages of cute kittens, soft bunnies and barking dogs. It's hard, but it's real.
* a local dry cleaner took our outgrown winter coats and, after cleaning them, donated them to families in need.
Hopefully, I will look back on 2009 with pride at all we did as a family and not pick myself apart for all the things I didn't do. Although, hopping on the exercise bike every now and then may not be such a bad idea.
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